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why is liking someone so hard :[

*sigh*

deem seen hoh yee tum doh yut goh lui jai? ngoh jun hai ng jee la.. *Sigh* fun gao ba la... fat ha mong deem doh moh gum serng sum ah.... i hope :( but it seems to be failing me lately too QQ

I give up. I can't compete. theres nothing I can do.

for the first time in my life.. I seriously want to just go and kick someones ass.. sigh or a punching bag.. some way to let this anger out

i give up

why is it so hard?? why is it so hard for me??

oh right. im not cute. i dont have a sexy body. i dont catch their eye. im not handsome.

not only do i fail in life... i cant even dream about it anymore... i even fail during dreaming... last night, i had a dream... i tried going to find her, not only did i have the worse luck like "oh sorry, she just left...." kind of thing.. it seemed like the world was a maze... not only do i have the worse luck in timing, the world becomes a maze and i cant get out to go find her...

i give up.. even if i didnt want to go as far as a relationship, just wanting to SEE her... i cant even do... im seriously getting tired... single for 6 yrs in college? wow. whatever -.-"

getting disappointed day after day... i give up. *sigh* good night. wait i just woke up.

o.O

Hi dofu. :D

hm

hm today's activities consisted of...

Failed photoshoot for Krystyne (prob due to all the date changes, no one knew... no one but me and Leng showed up....

Work with Leng & Victor. Checked out 6 rental places including the Manhattan Condos which was a 5 story high condo.. the one we looked at was the 4th story one which had the 5th story too... it was pretty much a open 2 story studio. very nice.

Badminton. Did ok. Missed quite a few shots QQ but i did pretty good imo.. got quite a few shots that i used to not be able to get xD Sweat a lot =3

Other than that... between the start of Work till Badminton.. for some reason, i felt like shit... either it was motion sickness from sitting in the back or it was just the weather that was screwing around with me... i felt BLEH !!! D:

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Aside from that... it is currently 12:15AM on Monday April 11... Happy Birthday, George... Wish you have a great 22nd birthday with whoever your friends are now. =]

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So going through FB, saw that Chau-fu went to a foot massage... i want to see her dying from the foot massage... xD probably have been sooo funny xP <3

Dofu... *sigh* she makes me sad... shes losing weight from not having an appetite lately... and losing weight... D: what weight does she have to lose?!? D: shes gonna disappear soon >< nuuuu T_T aside from that... hap cho time D:

hm

so in two days, is the birthday of a friend i once had at this point in time last year.. so many things can happen in a year.. once had thought he was a good friend. found out he had never thought the same of me. i had never done anything respectfully wrong to him yet he still thought the way he did =/ like my mentor said, i cant blame myself for this event happening. i lost who i thought was a friend, he lost potentially a good friend..

even though all this had happened, i wish him a great 22nd birthday.

a lot of people been asking me what i want for graduation gift... i couldn't give them an answer :( its not a question i really get asked much... usually im the one giving presents or whatever... so when i get asked that question... i kinda not know how to answer :(

Tea

Drinking tea is so calming. . . .

Calming, nice and warm. . .

warms you from the inside out. . .

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you asked me what i was thinking, i couldn't tell you. even if i had it all typed out, i couldn't press enter to send it to you.

since your visit in January, since that night, there hasn't been a day that has passed since then where I had not regretted not doing what had been on my mind that night. I could have prevented so many things happening, i could have stopped it... i could have... maybe if i had stopped it, i wouldn't be feeling what i am feeling now... i don't know if its jealousy... or there's something that i cant explain myself.. i know you want fun but that one day, when we were talking, you were saying all these guys going for you the second you are "kinda available"... made me unhappy.. iunoe why.. did your visit changed my feelings for you THAT much?!? *sigh* i dont know anymore.

i don't even think anyone reads this but hey at least i can "express it" so it doesnt only get stuck in my head :( but it doesnt seem to have helped much :( i still have this uneasyness inside me...

*puffs face* back to studying =3

hmmm

well i managed to finish most of the reading for evolution last night... at 5am xD mom came home and was like wtf.

woke up today, asked vi for book back, she said shed give it to me after work... (few hours later)... "can i bring it to u around 5 or 6..." (few hours later) are you home? ill come get it myself -.-" *twitch* even after telling im outside her house, takes her like 10 minutes to come out >_>

so during the wait... i studied for a&p II quiz.. xD

on the side note... i cooked macaroni soup for lunch... and dinner today xD made soup using the spicy korean paste... cubed spam and fried eggs... pretty good :D

dad cut his finger while using one of my knives tryin to cut onions.. his fault. not only was he using the tip of the knife to cut onions, he made a big ass deal (like he always does) about it... im like... *sigh* *ignores*

well, now that i have my book, i can study for genetics now D:

hm

kiwanis one day. volunteer w/ LVYP. or rather w/ Rachel? iunoe shes easy to talk to and fun to be with, lots of common interests (woo chinese music) xD iunoe probably cuz i dont really know zoey, then derek and them were like workin in a group.. and rachel was off to side so kept her company i guess? Lol iunoe sometimes when im like with derek and them, i seem out of place =3 *shrugs*

sore :[ this is when age comes into play, my lower back hurts from bending over to pluck the weeds.. didnt really want to crouch too much, though i can but eh D: if i had knew earlier, i would have brought knee pads. xD definitely could have used those today :3 and.. bigger gloves x_X but man the location was far this year.. boulder CITY, not highway, CITY D:

didnt sleep much so i pretty much took a nap after i got home :3.... other than kiwanis one day... UNPRODUCTIVE D: SHIT ! i need to read T____T

:o

so i decided to stop using facebook as of last night. wonder how long i can last :3

also... ive decided to give up on her :3 *sigh*

maybe iunoe. hope these were right decisions :(