so today during work, while we were in the kitchen preparing lunch, emily (boss) had told victor to tell justin (they were on the phone with eachother) to call emily's cell phone. i joked and said "yah like 2 hours later..." but expected him to call like right after he hung up. Guess what? 4-5 hours later... no call... this isnt the first time he's not picked up b/c of work or answered.. that's not what surprised me. He had told victor that he was house sitting because his father is out with fiance/wife .. out.. out of town something... ok legit reason i guess since they are getting married... but to find out 2 hours later you go out to happy hour at yard house... not only that you checked in, vi told me you were there.. double fail... not only did u ignore work, u lie and go out? told emily that and we are considering or rather now looking for someone or people to replace him now. no bueno to have a worker in the company like that.. me and leng have someone in mind for graphics design. need to find someone who can do coding and what not.

this change makes me quite sad =/ i dont like change.. change for the better, i dont mind but change for the worse.. *sigh* i don't even know what happened or why it happened...

as of a recent thing on FB, made me realize i talk to much on it. going to stay away from it for a while and see how that goes =/

now no one to talk to on aim... no fb.. heh wow life sucks atm

*sigh* how things can change so much within a few days =/ and i dont even know why :(

not to be a stalker or anything, i sat here for a bit reading their convo. many times i wanted to click like or comment but i didnt =/ then i just stopped reading it after a while.. i miss talking to them =/

so i just realized in her blog, shes talkin about me... probably me not liking ryan... =/ o well. that explains her not answering me and disappearing...

and i guess dofu is mad too.. o well =[

well not oh well but iunoe what to do about it now..

technically i wasnt lying. i did go to leng to have him help me on my business plan.. a week or two ago. he helped me start writing down ideas on a plan i had before but never really went much into it. the basis of the plan is pretty much a study cafe. a safe, secure place for students and professionals to go to to do work or have meetings while providing areas, sections, rooms for the purpose also providing services like food/drinks, as we as an unheard of security and protection system allowing you to go to the restroom or step out for a phone call or something without the fear of losing your personal items that you had left behind. currently, in the plan theres going to be approx 5 areas "strategically" located to provide the best and most popular areas with a cafe. First main area would be central chinatown area, preferably in the same plaza as pho so 1, maybe adjacent facing west. Other 4 locations would be in the SE around silverado ranch and bermuda, SW around tropicana and fort apache, W around charleston and town center, and N around Ann and the US-95.

it could potentionally be a plan that could do well as a business but theres a lot of work to be done. =/

funny thing is, im calling it Panda's Cave Study Cafe, and the area with food/drinks, will be called Tofu's Kitchen... ahahah =.=

eh whatever.. you don't even read this.. or even know about me having a blog.. guess just time to let it settle or something i guess...


it's actually amazing, taking a nap, and thinking a bit how things made sense for some reason this time... oh well.. guess its just straight up cramming for GRE's now and working and yah..

wonder where both chau and dofu went. havent seen them online past 2 days. *shrugs*

-___-
What an asshole. I knew it! If you don't want something, just say it. Don't have to effing lie to me about it. This is the second time already. I'm not dumb to not realize when people lie to my face like that. Especially when its a lame excuse. Gosh, can you just grow up already??? -__-

I need to stop being so forgiveful. I'm trying not to but its so damn hard!

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wonder who shes talking about ?

did something happen... both dofu AND chau are completely offline and not mobile... o_O????

long time

wow so its been quite a long time since i posted on here...

lets see... major events that happened since....

elaine's bday party
chau's bday party
dancing vines got painted.. wait that doesnt need to be talked about
my birthday...
siegfried n roy with chau
sushi night @ bosslady's...
roar mentorship program exit interview
outing with chau...
bazic
ryan and jc comin to vegas again...

damn a little over a month.. i guess not much happened HAHAHAHA >_>

elaine's bday is like all elaine's bday... just gathering at her house... playing games and watching movies... there was an awkward moment when there was a game where it needed to partner up and she told me and george to partner up... we looked at eachother and went.. EHHHHH D: i ended up volunteering to sit out. uh... thats about all i can remember from that party Lol..

chau's bday party... picked up chau... met up with ryan and skip for lunch.. piss off #1. ryan making chau ride in his car cuz of his lack of ability to follow a car -.-" and will get lost.. hey guess what? They still got lost WITH chau in the car or hes just acting stupid and -.-.. if his directions was really that bad, he wouldnt be able to live in SoCal or drive to vegas and get to the restaurant. so i just sat in my car and took a nap while they went to lee's and picked stuff up.. showed up near the end after the nap.. was tryin to get chau to come back to my car but ryan being a bitch kept telling her to goin over to his.. when i was tryin to remind her about her cake.. nope... after goin to walmart... tried again.. fail. she still went to his car. was at the point of wanting to just go home and say fuk it. went to radio shack to get batteries for dancing vines then went to chinatown.. kept tryin to tell em that they have to valet cuz the garage is in aria... otherwise long walk.. noo no one listens to me.. so i just said fuk it and drove away.. parked somewhere and took a nap.. listening to joey... ended up calling a few painters for dancing vines and working a bit while chau kept texting and calling.. very rarely i get mad or pissed but damn if he wasnt a friend of chau and dofu, id punch his lights out. maybe an hour or so later, i showed up that vdara and had everything in my car brought up... sat in the living room while they were in the bedroom watching tv. was tired of seeing ryan -.-.. ended up napping.. went to dinner.. that went ok cuz i sat on the other side of chau.. didnt have to listen or see ryan's stupid face. talked to ashley, anne, lydia?, diana, chau, and justin for most of the time... george showed up late.. apparently chau was supposed to save a spot next to her for him but ended up sitting in a corner next to skip who i guess he didnt know.. and eating alone or something.. later read his blog, he was pissed about it.. could see it at the dinner table =/ kind of feel bad but eh i guess thats what u get for making the world u enemy.. being pissed at everyone... after dinner, chau went with george to get her present apparently it was "too big" to carry to my car or some shit like that.. lydia?? and diana drove over to my garage and followed me to vdara cuz they didnt know how to get there.. got to vdara.. we all went up to the room.. started setting up.. justin made a drink and we all did shots before chau got there... apparently they parked at bellagio and walked over.. geez uhm... she showed up... more drinks went around... uhh.. camera going off everywhere... lots of pictures... photobombing... george tryin to keep chau for himself... repeat.... oh bark showed up.. that was awkward.. OH ryan's stupid ass went "who's justin? is it the one andrew hates?!??" he shouted this -.- even I broke out laughing wow... apparently that was one of the highlights of the night... way to go idiot >_> uhm... more drinks.. pictures... stupid posing... gay action... uhhh george sobering up.. seeing me take pictures with chau.. pissed off.. left.. (or so his blog said...) uhhh oh the alcoholic whipped cream.. so someone pulled that out... and was like WHO HAS NO HAIR ON THEIR STOMACH... (guys) and apparently most of us did... juros brother in law had the LEAST i guess.. and they used him.. first few pictures was of chau licking it off him.. then someone went "whoever can clean the cream off him will get to do it off chau"... people looked at me >_> i tried.. that cream is nasty LOL... guess who ended up cleaning the guy's stomach of cream? bark.. CLEAN... like CLEAN CLEAN.. ew.. desperate much? so chau sat down and he sprayed the cream on her.. and started.. then complained about how it was nasty.. and he needed water.. after like a minute.. he gave up.. then they made me do it.. for some reason.. it tasted better on her than the other guy... chau's naturally sweet? LOL apparently shes extremely ticklish when licked in her belly button... but someone asked her if she liked it and she said yes LOL so i did it a few times >_> shes like why u keep licking there.. theres no cream left !! after a while.. skip joined for some reason.. none of these pictures went up i guess lol.. after that was over.. it was just like.. sleeping around... then night pretty much died after that... cleaned up.. took chau home.. then went home

dancing vines.. uhh.. cleaned... repaired.. painted... ready for rent.. NEXT STORY

my birthday hmmm... picked up chau... went to vi's house to pick her up... apparently leng was over to watch the house (oh yah. vi's house got broken into... had some valuable stuff stolen... window broken... ) uhm... she took forever to get ready... after we FINALLY left vi's house... went to anna's garden cuz me and chau were hungry as hell.. ordered a pei dan sao yuk jok and sing jao chow mai... ate fairly quickly and left... went to macy's so chau could uh... get money back? LOL or something... she bought some shoes n socks too... after that.. went to adventuredome... met up with ashley there... went on a few rides.. played some stuff.. chau refused to go on the canyon blaster... i tried holding her a few times.. but eventually just let her go.. didnt want to force her on.. uhmm.. went to sura for dinner... invited... justin... victor leng... judy :D vi chau ashley obviously... brandon.. i think thats it o_O yah i think thats it lol.. this is when i noticed im now addicted to raw garlic slices and that bean sauce (THANKS JUDY) when eating kbbq... D: leng brought me a gift from julie... it was in a victoria secret bag.. i was kinda scared... LOL we had a random idea to have a movie night and drinks at ashleys.. invited judy too.. made jager bombs (apparently it was her favorite).. they kept giving me drinks (obviously cuz it was my bday).. at first when we were waiting for everyone to arrive... ashley and vi took mine and.. brandon's phone and played angry birds for the first time.. they got addicted... me and judy took victor's transformer (android tablet) and played fruit ninja... it was quite funny watching her play.. she gets really into it.. xD after that.. drinks.. watched tangled... took vi n chau home.. and went home.. fun bday with a few friends..

kuya nathan's bday.. after work.. went to palazzo to meet up with everyone for nate's bday.. it was like 12-15 people.. went to grand lux.. talking eating.. jokes here n there... thats about it AHAHAH

siegfried n roy... oh we finally went to swish for lunch... i got a prime rib eye sukiyaki... chau got a mushroom party shabu shabu.. pretty good.. esp with the groupon deal... the bill was like.. $6 bux lol... plus tip like $10.. xD went to mirage for siegfried n roy.. took a buncha pictures... a lot were sleeping.... there was one that slept with its mouth kinda open and tongue sticking out... was kinda cute Lol.. dolphins !!! there were 2 baby dolphins !! but damn i never knew dolphins were so big ahahah D: never knew they had some... humanistic eyes :o didnt notice until i saw the pictures i took.. i was like... wow :o

sushi night at boss's house it was a celebration for leng selling his first house... (which we were the buyers... LOL) we worked first.. the party was at like 7ish.. emily made this uhmm lettuce wrap bar... then a sushi handroll bar.. we made leng take a shot for every person that walks in... then i offered him the deal of for every 1 shot he takes, i take 4 (DOOD THAT WAS EVEN A BETTER DEAL THAN I GAVE CHAU AND DORIS!!!) after dinner.. we made everyone play the dancing game on the wii before they can leave xD quite interesting... oh when me and victor did a song... my remote hit his left hand... and kinda broke the remote -.-" damn that rocklike fist XD most people left... victor left with emily.. i left with vi... leng was last to leave..

ROAR mentorship exit interview.. DOOD THERE WAS A RUMOR SAYING ALL 5 OF THE BOARD INTERVIEWED U ! THAT SCARED US D: we were like.. can we have a group interview instead... since its pretty much asking us how we thought of the program and stuff... so a group discussion would have been best... right??? D: but it really was 1 on 1.. i got jude.. wasnt bad.. after the interview, saw andy and started talkin to him.. then we jsut talked in the meeting room with everyone.. after went to JSA's bbq.. then home to change... then went to easy life to meet up with victor n leng... then beegee's... then home?

outing with chau uhh 1st one... oh this time.. for SOME ODD COINCIDENCE... we wore the exact same shirt... jeans.. and flip flops... so we matched.. D: lol we kept getting compliments everywhere we went.. but anyway.. we went to the new east ocean place on eastern n serene? for dim sum... quite a fail place.. LOL minimal things.. apparently according to my mom, u gotta order it... >_> or they give u something to check off or order.. didnt know that... after that.. we went to a crepe place down the street past st rose near the trader joes across from sushi wa.. got the rebel special which was crepe with strawberries, banana, nutella, and ice cream with whipped cream... she got with strawberry ice cream.. i got with vanilla... after that we went to trader joe to walk around... then we went to a pet shop next door.. aww the puppies were so cute =3 but DAMN they were expensive :o but so cute =3 some were so fluffy =3 i want T_T but so expensive >< but so cute !!! ok enough of that... uhmm. oh went to dancing vines after that... we *eh hem and eh hem* jk nothin happened.. i had to clear out the water and ice in the new fridge we had bought.. and just showed chau the house.. i wouldnt mind living there.. i did most of the work and it looks pretty nice... >_> after that... took her home.. and went to aunts house for family bbq for moon festival..

uhh outing with chau... #2 to make up for the 1st time.. we went to chang's ahhaha.. much better... didnt end up having room to order durian pastry.. hehehe past few days been having bipolar weather.. but we went to premium outlets to walk around.. weather was nice and didnt sprinkle on us... went to the Tag Heuer store.. and found a decent watch... but price tag... $2200 T____T i dont think my mom would pay for that... can i take the money for a lens instead?? lol after that.... we.......... oh got boba.. then went to bellagio to go to tiffany and co to look at some stuff :] then we got hungry.. wanted to go san gennaro but decided to go tofu hut.. approx same price of spending but more food.. and shes been craving steamed egg for a long long time... ran into victor and leng near the end.. after dinner, we went to.... walmart to walk it off but we were still quite full even after ahaha... o well.. took her home and went home after that.. .

bazic hak and jsa party.. i wasnt planning on staying long.. thats why i just wore whatever i had on from work and went tehre.. after standing around and talkin to some people... justin came out and was like hey ! then he was like one second.. and disappeared... like 15 seconds later... judy popped out D: FUK ! so i ended up paying and went in LOL... bought her a jager bomb.. then she bought me a tokyo tea (THEY MADE IT NASTYYYYY.. we had trouble drinking it...) dancing around a bit... ran into elgin andee israel (great.... they are so gonna hit on judy)... they bought some yogurt soju... we all did a few shots of that... danced a bit... more yogurt soju... then plain soju came... me and judy made a run for it LOL ... sat down... went outside to cool off.. talked.. chatted.. the guys came out and joined us and started being them.. -.-" eliza got in trouble and had to go.. apparently the mom called judy's phone and she didnt know the number .. and answered the call weird... we walked eliza down.. then for some reason elgin ran to catch up to me or something anf fell down the stairs... didtn know that happened until me and judy went back upstairs.. so he injured his knee.. more talking.. then judy noticed her bracelet was gone.. so we went around lookin for it everywhere.. asked around... etc... more talking... etc etc.. so by now its like 2ish almost 3... andee was like lets go eat... im like ehhh no... elgin is injured... israel is being a drunkie n hitting on judy... and has hw due in a few hrs... convinced judy to go home instead b/c she had a volunteering thing at 9..... walked her to her car... talked to her for a bit.. then she drove home.. i went back up.. andee elgin n israel were gone... justin was still there.. he had a volunteering thing at 5... so he stuck around and went starbucks or something.. i went home.. judy texted me saying she got home safely cuz she was tired and was i guess still a bit tipsy or something..

ryan n jc coming to town ... so the plan was to pick up chau then meet up with ryan n jc but i didnt really want to see ryan and i was gonna go to san gennaro for chau anyway.. so i ended up reconsidering and not going... they went.. i went to dinner with judy and leng at big wong.. we talked about the night before... how elgin and israel and andee was... talked about my business plan.. and other things... judy enjoyed the food there.. cheap and good... me and her paid like $6 each .. leng paid like 12 cuz he got the fried shrimp wonton... victor joined us after his meeting with cssa.. more uhm gossip talk.. xD after dinner.. we talked outside.. leng gave judy a massage and did his usual and made me do it instead.. i suck at giving massages so when i massaged judy i was like uhhh... huh? she didnt really have much knots or i couldnt really feel em anyway... =/ she went home after... me leng and victor talked a little bit and i left.. went to the hotel to meet up with chau and them.. by the time i got there, they made ryan take a shot already... we played what the f***.. apparently its a game with 3 colored dice.. u roll the dice and u get a number... like example red 3 white 1 blue 5... so u have 315.. u look in the book and read teh question and answers.. u each get a chip that has A and B written on each side... when u uncover ur answer, those who DONT match your answer has to drink... justin made the shots.. they werent too bad.. after a few rounds.. jc and ashley decided to take shots of 151 instead.. bad idea.. lol.. after a while we just ended up on the couch and not playing.. and just like.. cuddled or something.. positions and arrangements kept changing.. from chau n ashley... to me and chau... then me chau and ashley... to ashley by herself and chau on top of me and justin... ryan acted drunk for a while then i guess he really did get drunk.. started throwin up into the trash can.. we all fell asleep... after a while.. i smelled something ew.. woke up and looked.. ashley threw up in front of us D: eww we told her not to take the 151 but i guess shes never taken it before and wanted to try.. bad idea =/ justin helped ashley.. i left around 315 or so.. apparently everyone woke up at like 4... ryan really needs to learn to control himself tho.. not funny when hes puking his brains out every single time.. if u know u cant drink.. then dont... by his age.. he should be able to control what u do imo.. and not require people to take responsiblity and take care of u cuz u dont know to NOT drink -.- we did try to convince him not to drink. we even changed the drink so it wouldnt be as strong too.. mixing a considerable amount of juice and mixers in there.. ultimately it still is his decision to do it or not. lack of self control is a main problem. Sure not drinkin at all would just solve everything but to drink, got to drink responsibly. to ignore previous experiences, well knowing your own limits, and still continue to do it, no self control. theres only so much u could to do prevent someone from doing something. not like we can tackle him and tie him down.

outing with chau... #3?? next day... apparently according to JC, ryan was still throwing up -.-" geez.. but according to chau, they left early afternoon.. chau wanted to go to san gennaro again so i went with her.. picked her up and went.. apparently she said dofu was pissed.. pissed doh hai gum wah ga la... at that age, u should know how to control ur own actions and not depend on others.. but iunoe i think she was pissed cuz of that?? anyway.. went to san gennaro.. parked at gold coast and walked over... walked around the food.. didnt see anything good.. saw the shrimp and randomly craved shrimp.. after we passed the food, we went into the carnival area and chau showed me the game with the huge pig.. OMG I DONT THINK I CAN FIT THAT IN MY CAR D: but i tried the game anyway.. paid $10 for 6 tries (totally did more than 6...) its a beer bottle on a slightly slanted platform laying towards u.. u take a stick with a string attached with a ring at the end... and u try to stand the bottle up... after watching the guy a few times.. i tried doing it... failed.. got kinda close.. like got it up but it instantly fell back down.. =/ paid another $10.. tried again... had chau try a few times... then she paid $10 and tried... yah we couldnt get it =/ we got sad :( so for the rest of the night.. we kept saying oink oink hahaha so random.. i was jokin like if i had won the pig.. id like like walk walk *bump* oops sorry *bump* sorry *runs over kid* oops... *lifts pig up and runs* AHH RUN AWAY PIG !!! wonder how funny that would have looked like from a distance.. after that we left and went to hot n juicy.. that shrimp stand made us crave it.. and probably was cheaper than eating there... 40ish dollars for 3 lb's and 1 sweet potato fries.. tahts like... 4 things at san gennaro and probably wouldnt have been full either... for some reason.. mild was more spicy than usual.. they probably gave us the medium that they had brought out at first =.= but we still ended up finishing it... went to walmart again to get some stuff.. then took her home and went home..

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damn how about that for a catch-up blog entry LOL AHAHAH no one reads it anyway.. more like for my own memory..

so the day after that bazic party.. i texted eliza to see if she had looked in her car for judy's bracelet.. cuz before eliza left that night.. judy sat in the backseat in her car and like flopped back.. so we thought it may have broken off and fell there... eliza replies "Andrew, can you be any more obvious on how much you like Judy? Lol it's kinda ridiculous XP" .. so i like her .. so what?? its not every day u meet someone so nice, humble, innocent?, fun to talk to and be with.. cute too ! and younger than me ! well she says shes not pretty but she doesnt use much make up or anything.. and dresses nicely (imo...) natural pretty imo.. *shrugs* shes the first girl i had met after considering to stop goin for chau.. and just be friends with her.. shes a nice girl.. dont think she has interest in me tho.. ooh one trait that i LOVE about her is she absolutely ENJOYS eating food... lol on the first day i met her.. we were eating BJ's for eliza's bday.. on like the first bite.. shes like mmmm or making some sound enjoying sound.. i was like O.o ?? then after talkin to her.. she LOVES eating food and absolutely enjoys it every time !! omg ! perfect girl ! i cook and she enjoys it like that?!?? damn id cook every day :o invited her to an R&D once and made shrimp scampi (her suggestion) and sliders... accidentally uhmm "bao dee crushed pepper tai doh" so ended up being spicier than i had hoped for... didnt know eliza couldnt eat spicy either =[

to be honest... i guess growing up.. i've always had an interest in korean girls... elementary school n middle school.. there was this one girl named fallon that i had an extremely big crush on.. (which by the way recently added me on fb... and had been "liking" a lot of my status posts n pictures..... kind of awkward in a way but o well).. then high school.. there was a girl named sarah that i kinda liked but apparently had more problems then i could imagine according to one of my at that point one of my best friends... then in college... there's KC... then Eun Kyung Jun.. then Seung Ju Han... then Jinie Kim.. >_> now... Judy Kim.. =.= does that mean im gonna end up marrying a korean girl? can it be judy? hehe jk how about dofu? dofu is good too !

tho i did notice a trend.. a lot of the girls i like are considerably smaller than me.. >_> is it because i cant find a girl closer to my height or so i just like smaller girls? weird...

*publishes post... wonder how long it is*

AHAHAH dang its a long post.. =/

still no news on judy's bracelet from eliza or the clubs.. hope it gets found..

do do dododo.. so ive been addicted to listenin one of joey's new songs... 花千樹... i quite like it.. its been on repeat all day xDD :]

so i noticed chau is actually OFFLINE not on mobile on aim... wonder what happen... =/

today's been a weird day. so last night ended maybe around like 5am when i finally passed out... i had my alarm set for 730 to go take aunt/uncle to airport.. i specifically set it after my uncle msged me saying to go over at 8.. for some reason the alarm never went off.. aunt called me at 815 and was like.. where r u? i was like O.O *throws clothes on and rushes over* i also forgot i was low on gas ! so i sped to chevron, filled $20 and went over and took em to airport.. came home and KO'ed again.

leng called me at like 1230 which woke me up but i didnt end up going with them

around 330 i left home to go pick up Eliza to go grocery shop and make the food to go to Keith's going away party. apparently it only takes like 15 min to go from my house all the way to eastern n serene... x_X either i was driving frickin fast or somehow that went really quick LOL and is closer than i had thought.. picked her up, went grocery shopping, went home, made it and put into oven and we sat in living room to talk. We got judy to join us :] before we went, victor apparently found out leng had a tire losing air so they came over and i inflated it. they used victors car after wards. After they left again, eliza started to get frustrated from waiting for judy.. cuz she was hungry and tired =/

so we went there, judy showed up soon after.. saw a decent amount of people i knew but the party was a lot smaller than i had imagined.. for the most part, it was just me judy and eliza talkin to each other. we left like an hour later to go home and play cashflow again.. on the way home, judy went to albertsons to pick up some salad. used my balsamic vinegar and olive oil. she ate all of it ahaha :P for some reason, a lot of things, it happened to both of us during the game... we'd like get babies together.. get downsized together... not get properties together... seemed like she's following me around the board (she was after me). lol. victor got lucky and won quick. during our downsize times, judy would go make more salad.. id go make tea or something like that haha.. during one of the times where it took a while, eliza convinced leng to let her go and check on her ex. SUPER bad idea. that killed the night pretty much. after that happened, we still tried continuing to play.. both me and judy started to get money and stuff.. but eliza gave up playing.. so we just ended it.. everyone was gone by like 1030 ish.. judy left first cuz we were cleaning up.. leng took eliza home.. then victor left after checkin his tires too Lol..

thats about it.. i feel bad for eliza.. bf cheated on her for another girl.. eliza did so much for him, to make him a better person and stuff.. but he still did all that... :( poor eliza.. i wish i was more of an advisor than just plain listener.. i feel so useless !

so today.. 2 people have told me that what i did to misa on FB looked bad for me. come to think of it, yah it was childish of me to do it.

yah i do like judy. i guess i came out in a bad way of kind of showing that? at this point, victor, leng, and apparently according to leng, he had told eliza too (judy's best friend). according to leng, eliza "approves" of me tryin for judy? iunoe what that really means but hey i guess at least the best friend approves?

so today had my cell phys final.. didnt do that well. tehre was quite the amount of information tested (comprehensive..) it was quite hard. even tho there was only 75 questions, due to the "which one is FALSE or NOT TRUE" questions, way over 100 questions was on the test.. Lol each one of those "questions" had pretty much either 4 true and 1 false or 4 false and 1 true. i did my best with all the time =/

after class, i went grocery shopping for the R&D. prior to the final, i was texted by victor asking when the R&D was.. up until then, i had NOT known of any more than the 4 (me, leng, judy, eliza) was going to be there... then leng said he invited Vi too.. so i was kind of mad at first but said whatever.. went to sam's club, bought primarily stuff my dad said to get if i went to sam's club... then went to von's to get rhe rest of the stuff for R&D (7.99/lb for 16-20 shrimp O_O ! ) after that, went home. victor was waiting at my house already but he was doing hw and stuff. i prepped and leng came over.. he went to work on researching stuff for mom on the 2 houses we are interested in buying.. finished prep a little prior to the girls coming over. When they came, we talked a bit, then leng came down and joined us.. then started a game of cashflow. leng explained everything to them.. while he explained, i went to start cooking and testing.. fired up a slider and a shrimp. they said it tasted pretty good so i started cooking.. got the sliders firing, and threw the pasta into the lemon/wine sauce... tasted.. SHIT.. too spicy.. i tried adding more wine.. adding water.. didnt help :[ during this entire time, judy and eliza was playing cash flow while leng was instructing, me cooking, victor doing hw. after it was all done, i made 2 plates for the girls. they paused the game and came over to eat.. apparently eliza cant handle spice at all so she couldnt eat any of the pasta.. so ended up making a few more sliders for her (which was okay i guess since her fav was sliders anyway) made a few more plates and we all sat down and ate. After dinner, they continued the game.. Vi came over and went to talk with victor.. i finished up cooking and joined the girls at the game, helping them when they needed it. leng went over to Vi and Victor, leaving me with judy and eliza -.-" Lol o well :D was fun talkin to them and helping.. ^_^ after they finished the game (both got out and won woo ! judy first and eliza second xDD but they liked the game which was good) they went home. after they left... all eyes were on me.. they kept tryin to get me to say that i did like judy... judy kim... bulgolgi... korean food.. all these names they were calling her.. kind of pissed me off in a while but cuz of the directness of the questions.. i was more shy then anything >_> >< T__T they picked on me T__T vi asked me what i liked about her... funny i had answered this to leng a few nights ago when we talked at night..

naturally cute n pretty (even tho she says shes not, but an average girl).. great smile. VERY easy to talk to.. even for a girl.. im usually pretty shy when it comes to talkin to girls a lot of times... it kicked off pretty well even the FIRST time i met her.. very surprised. shes 1 1/2 yrs younger than me.. she LOVES food.. she enjoys eating very much.. which would be nice if i could cook for her.. and she could ahve the same enjoyment.. that would REALLY make me happy =3

before they "directed" to me while cleaning after judy n eliza left.. vi was like... "ngoh duk dung goh lei geen mei loi ah so.." i was like WHAT?!? WTF? "sup wak doh moh yut peet... BUT DOH MEI YAO AH... jao herng doh wah geen mei loi ah so..." geez =.=

iunoe. it was fun.. hope more of this in the future ^_^

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goddamnit.. chau and doris gonna make me hungry ALL day long with their food pictures.. looks SOO good !!! :[ i want fresh seafood :[ T___T jealous !!! i got frozen shrimp :3 thats the best i got near it ><

how does someone who continuously says they have no money somehow has money when theres a girl involved..

misa is definitely pissing me off right now.. even tho leng says he is no competition to me and i have low self-esteem to consider him any competition but grr -.- still cant hide that he pisses me off.

seriously think i have the worst luck... when finally i had gotten over chau and gotten out of that depression mode, by meeting a super nice girl, judy... freakin misa shows up again..

its probably a bad idea to msg someone daily "good morning" when u've barely met them and msg them minute after they come online huh...

at this point, i seriously dont mind if misa fell off the earth.

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i know leng has no ill-intentions cuz only person on his mind that matters to him is Julie. Leng is like the nice guy who wants to help as much people as he can, if he can, even if its partially to his own loss.

Misa, who knows what goes thru his head.

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iunoe it just seems weird... like before i had met them or w/e, there could be little to no communication. but when i started talkin to them or have interest, it seems the rest of the world wants to talk to them and they seem to somehow get more then me.. iunoe if im just like ultra sensitive...

really would like to know what people are thinking sometimes... if i could read their minds :(

disliking misa more and more -.-"

heh FML. When i had finally gotten over the last "emo" episode, and thought i had found someone new, there's always someone that seems to love coming in and destroying it. As i had mentioned before, i had met this new girl at a friend's bday, and had seen her again at KBBQ with the same friend. Tried starting to talk to her and stuff, tryin to know her...

then here comes leng, trying to be a nice person, tryin to give everyone a job who needs one, asks for her number b/c he wants to see if she can come work with us by meeting up with Emily.. Apparently a phone call that was supposed to just be asking if shes interested and info to go meet emily, because a 3-4 hour phone call. I know im probably thinking too much but what the heck... Was talking to her yesterday and everything i try to bring up or mention, shes like "oh leng already told me this and that" im like wtf -.-" I didnt want her to meet misa either, knowing his personality and such but apparently they had known each other from key club through old mutual friends... and he's saying like he regrets not getting to know her better and now trying to make up for it..

*sigh* WHY CANT I FIND ONE PERSON THAT I CAN LIKE... not to sound selfish or anything.. KEEP TO MYSELF ... without the influence of those around me =.=

Ariel, eh... she made me more active in CKI cuz i wanted to see her but nothing more than friends had ever happened there.. Never went out with her, just me and her kind of thing.. She's still one of the most beautiful girls i've ever known tho.

Cami, whom i had a fun, unique connection with.. Saw her and hung out with her every friday of the week b/c we volunteered at the boys n girls club.. she was fine up until she met the other CKI people... then she went like FASA then just got too busy to be seen anymore..

Sheila.. she was fine.. we had a lot of similar interests.. Esp Loving Joey <3 xD and she spoke cantonese.. quite tall.. we hung out for lunch a lot but our schedules for a semester split us up so we didnt get to see each other anymore.. now we both graduated, x_X

Chau, well we all know what happened there... o well. at least i somehow was able to recover the friendship :P i think we are fine now. Talking and whatever like normal again. Thats good =]

Now Judy, who i had thought would have been nice for a fresh start since she didnt know most of my friends, could like talk and meet with her outside of the friends group .. she loves eating... but shes skinny o_O shes quite unique.. like she LOVES eating food.. she REALLLLLY enjoys it.. which is great cuz i love food too like we all know.. and i like cooking.. so would be REALLY nice if she had the same enjoying reactions when i cook.. that would be like.. AWESOME LOL .. dreaming a little too far here i guess.. now just.. bleh T_T she went to meet up with emily and was like really influenced by emily because we all think emily is like a super woman. young korean woman (well not really YOUNG YOUNG but still quite young for her success in life... and obviously shes a asian woman so looks freakin young too) but being at < 40 yrs old.. having went to John Hopkins UNiversity (one of the most prestigious medical universities in the country.. not for the grad program.. undergrad), went thru law school and became a lawyer, has been a 5 star restaurant chef, and now a realtor/property manager.. who can NOT say shes not like a super woman having done all that ! Indirectly, shes like mentor for all of us. Shes super educated and influential, and super nice and funny.. She liked meeting up with Emily.. But considering shes going into occupational therapy, the job wasnt really something that fits what shes going into (not like it fits me either but just saying).. but now as of like 15 minutes ago, apparently shes with leng at tea planet (who i had just asked judy if she wanted boba this weekend.. there goes that stupid freakin plan) working... not sure working on what but bleh -.-"

doesnt help that she has limited texts (500) to people who are not verizon either =3 and me mostly texting, minimal calling,..

yah im probably thinking too much huh..... Iunoe. sometimes i wonder about leng.. if hes tryin to help everyone and just this stuff happen coincidentally or he plans all this... then Misa.. we all know how he is -.- only "good" thing he has is his mouth.. smooth talking.. but in most cases, that just pisses other people off >_>

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ow my neck hurts. chau and dofu is goin on vacation tonight :( that means i lose two of the most important people i talk to daily/nightly till tuesday :( QQ hope they have fun.. eat lots.. play lots.. be safe... DEFINITELY BE SAFE considering the weather while they are there goin to one of the MOST DANGEROUS roads -.-"

do do...dododo.... do dododo do .. do do.. ba ba.... bababa? xD

So i've been playing a lot of tennis in the past week... like 4x this week i think.. pretty good.. some of my hits and serves are coming back :] yay

been lookin at quite the few "expensive" houses past few days too.. ranging from 500k - 1 million... they are so nice.. we've seen a few where they are soo dirty tho.. how can one let a house nice get into such a condition :( so sad ><

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so im tryin to talk to chau again. as a friend. as if nothing ever happened. hey i said in the past i was fine with her being a friend right? so why not? rather have her stay in my life than lose her forever. even after she made me go emo LOL o well

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been talkin to dofu again since... yesterday...? i think? i know she was mad at me for disappearing too and had worried her... such a good friend :( so sorry for worrying her :3 definitely dont wanna lose her in my life =]

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mmmmm aside from those things... nothin much to say? oh i guess i started talkin to this korean girl i met at a friend's bday party about a week ago more. uhm.. think it was thursday after lookin at houses (with eliza tagging along - also the friend who had their bday), we decided to go kbbq.. invited her korean friend.. xDD leng is definitely tryin to help me get with this girl cuz i can "detect" those indirect question and answers and hes like tryin to help me find out. so funny. so we went kbbq @ tofu hut.. she arrived.. it was a fun dinner.. really uhm.. lifted my spirits from my "emo-ness".. it was the first time i laughed.. it was nice.. then we went tea station and talked more and stuff.. i messaged her on FB asking for her number (was gonna do it in person but it was kinda awkward cuz other people were there... they would soooo mess with me).. but apparently FB was being stupid and she didnt see any of the messages.. so i straight up asked her on her wall. then when she sent it to me by message, all my previous ones showed up.. Lol.. then we started talkin on FB message as well as by texting.. so weird.. 2 different convos with the same person on 2 different ways of communication... xDD

above may have seemed that i moved on but not really yet.. a lot of things remind me of chau still... like goin to dim sum for lunch today.. thinkin of the things used to order with chau... or other things.. *shrugs* not easy to forget a person. well not tryin to forget her but gotta forget the feeligns i guess? iunoe how to say it Lol

well.. guess i know the truth now. nothin more i can do.

on the bright side... i dont have to go broke takin her to a nice place for her birthday now :P

will just go to the one shes plannin to have with select friends (if i get invited after this happening) and eh. yup.

Open up your heart to me
And say what i'd like to hear, oh yes
I know that i've been through so much pain,
But I still want you in my life, this time

And I want you tonight
I want you right now
I know deep within my heart
It doesn't matter if it's wrong or right
I really want you tonight

I figured out what to say to you
But it was too, too late to say it to you, oh yes
And I know in time that you will forget
That what we had during the time i tried, and…

And I want you tonight
I want you right now
I know deep within my heart
It doesn't matter if it's wrong or right

All those endless times
I tried to make it last forever more
And baby I know I need you
I know deep within my heart
It doesn’t matter if it’s wrong or right
I really want you....... ohhhh

ah nvm. i cant rewrite lyrics for shit -.-

i miss chau :( *sigh* wish i had confessed earlier.. maybe this would have never happened ... ahh so many "What ifs" .. too late now

i really want to talk to u... i really do.. :[

juan had told me... "if you're on the friends ladder you will NEVER (99%) be on the good ladder" .. which i didnt get so julie explained it and said "some people can think of people very early in their relationship/friendship if you will stay on the friend's ladder for life or if you have potential to be a bf." then juan said "this is exactly why boys can NEVER be friends with girls that they're attracted to :]"

how do u just go straight into chasing a person? i dont get it... i thought it was best to get to know them and stuff first... then do it? have i been doing it wrong this entire time? i thought it was better to know them first ... ive never been like "OH MAN I WANNA GO OUT WITH THAT GIRL" the second i meet them... so weird...

iunoe what to think of it right now.. either dofu really cares about me that she even asked george to ask leng and victor to find out where/how i was or iunoe.. wonder how awkward that was for george >_>

wonder how vi found out too... or chau...

i didnt really want to see anyone today... i avoided seeing/talking to vi at/after class and went straight home, not even going to my boss' house like i had first agreed to doing earlier on the week. Leng asked me to go tennis which i had agreed to maybe help let go some steam... would have probably been bad for him tho, having to be on the receiving side of full powered shots until i got tired or injured myself.. but in the end, ended up lookin at houses with him and eliza... then going to dinner with judy.. for the first time today, they got me to smile and laugh again.. it was nice.. later i found out apparently george? called victor at like 1 or 2, waking him up, and contacting me (but completely i was unaware of this cuz phone was no where near me)..

talkin to judy and eliza... i guess helped a bit.. feel a bit better now.. victor drove me home b/c leng had to take eliza home asap (curfew).. it was majority a quiet ride.. i found myself zoning out not really focusing on anything lookin out the window.. then later finding tears forming in my eyes.. victor asked me if i was still gonna try asking chau out... i didnt have an answer.. i really didnt know. then he was like... "u should move on ... go for judy.. shes kinda cute" im like wth -.-" besides leng already had asked eliza is judy had a bf but said she already had an eye on another.. im pretty sure he was indirectly telling me that info >_> eh iunoe.. shes nice.. cute too. korean.. smart funny.. but .. only have seen her a total of like 2 times.. and i only met her like last week at eliza's bday.. too early to know and besides.. my mind is still on chau =[ and probably will be for a while, no matter if i do anything or not..

iunoe.. will see.. let time pass.. chau's working till her vacation anyway.. take her to airport... will think about this after next weeks exam and final... so after she comes back pretty much to see what to do =3

but for the most part.. im alive.. im eating.. not really talkin to anyone >_> but eh on the bright side, im studying more? >_> maybe? without having to be able to *put hands on keyboard and automatically go facebook.com *enter**

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on the side note... i do miss talkin to chau or dofu... but iunoe how i can talk to chau with that open relationship thing twindling around my head like a disease.. dofu... shes probably gonna call me stupid or something for acting this way =/

wtf does "open relationship" mean anyway? whats with all those stupid status' facebook has now.. what happened to the simple single, in a relationship, engaged, married... whats with all the its complicated, open relationship, or some shit like that

so i noticed it was kind of a bad idea to throw my phone and laptop to the corner of the room last nite... kept sitting around... or waking up to find out what time it is cuz i wasnt sure what time it was.. and was scared i might not hear the alarm..

last night... i had really missed my grandmother... i wished she could teach me what i should do... =/ guess im not really street smart as i had thought.. noticed i was quite stupid actually after all this has happened... i dont know what to do anymore :(

funny how the who people im with the most did notice .. as well as dofu .. but one who i was talking to earlier .. didnt say anything =/ *sigh* ever since the shower... and deactivating facebook, i sat in my bedroom all night .. wondering what i had done wrong.. why this happens to me..

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so today is my chinese birthday according to my mom ... gotta eat vegetarian =[ supposedly im supposed to eat for a month but my mom does it for me.. for good luck i guess or something.. guess no banh mi for breakfast for me.. iunoe waht to eat now..

i was lookin forward to using the lee's mayo and liver pate chau had told me about that i bought yesterday too =/ *sigh* well happy chinese birthday to me ;_;

wow ryan really? fuk u. i give up. at one point, i had trusted you. sometimes actually had fun talkin to u, even tho u had some annoying points in time..

i dont care anymore. i dont want to know. throw away the present i had found for her after lookin for so long. bday dinner.. asking her out after dinner .. even tried seeing if theres something i could do that could have some drama-like way of asking too.. i know this is just asking u out but i wanted to make it really special.. ... whatever i dont care anymore...

came back home from tennis and saw that.. i couldnt breathe.. when i showered.. i had to stand there, water rushing down my face and body.. propping myself against the wall.. just to breathe... i cant take it anymore..

all those times ive been nice to you.. cared for u.. all the fun times we had.. conversations.. i really tried chau.. i really did.. i dont even know what to say more.. i cant even tell if it was water runin down my face or if it was tears..

MIA i go.. for the first time... even deactivating fb cuz i dont even want to see it.. even as i type this, im having trouble breathing cuz this .. this was way .. way too sudden..

im sorry..

believe or not believe.. to have come up with such an idea fully knowing the effects i believe is completely intentional.

people had told me to stop goin for u... cuz it was unequal.. not worth it... shes not good enough for me.. whatever people said.. i didnt care... to me she was worth it.. i kept trying.. toh fah geep.. not a good year to look for relationship a fortune thing had said.. i didnt believe it and kept trying... look where it got me.. got nothin out of it but a crushed heart.. what i do to deserve this? im a good guy right? im nice right? im a good friend right? how come this happens :(

but who am i kidding no one reads this stupid thing anyway.. who am i even talkin to -.-

Heh horoscope said if I'm looking for love, now is the time to get serious about my quest.

dot dot dot. I want to but I don't want to fail not I don't want her to think I'm "binding" her in any way before her long awaited trip to hawaii with dofu.

Going to go trade show again after class tomorrow and hope I can find something.. Something nice I can give her for her birthday. The only thing I saw on sunday was this charm bracelet but it had a heart in it. Not like a charm dangling off it but in the physical chain inter locked. I didn't see any charms at that booth tho. Very weird.

I really wanted to take her to bradley ogden for her birthday but at this rate, with work post poned.. I don't think I can afford it.. :( my original plan was work a lot up to her b-day then i can do it but things happened :[ im sure she wont be that sad if at all that we wont be able to go but i feel bad that i said id take her there but end up not :/

maybe ill consider alize or flemmings. maybe those two would be cheaper :3 ... damn as always.. those top restaurants dont have PRICES D: alize has prices but they are like.. mid 40s for entrees.. then 15 each dessert. =3

i know expensive isnt always the good thing to go but thought it would have been a nice experience. i really enjoyed dinner at TdB with her.. food was great.. she was beautiful sitting across from me.. =3 what more could i have asked for? shes probably gonna complain about having to buy another dress again and spend a lot lol.. maybe i can convince her to go to a cheaper one that doesnt have a dress code? :P ahha

nah.... i was thinkin maybe ill ask her out after dinner. have a nice romantic candle light dinner... dessert to sweeten up the mood... pull out a case or something with a necklace or something and ask her =3 i know its kind of cheesy but eh.. i cant do that balloon trick... on. either movies/series LOL and its not like im proposing.. no ring needed.. but i thought it be nice to give her something nice for her birthday :]

we will see..

hm. so i went to trade show yesterday in hopes to find something nice for chau. and dofu. and vi. i couldn't find anything. im sad :( but i did run into this booth at the beginning that did wooden roses.. wonder if i should make like a big bouquet :o :D the first bouquet i ever made worked out.. 2nd one for ariel failed... 3rd times a charm? XD im tryin to decide what # of roses to do. dofu said 38.. good numbers? xD

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had a weird dream last night.. i was watching some movie or drama or something... and before i knew it.. i was in the movie in place of teh guy... i kissed the girl in the movie (that was where the movie was at) and went down to her neck and started kissing it.. then when i went back up, she became chau o.O iunoe at this point right now, i think im.. kinda over obsessive? iunoe would u call it that if u think of someone whos not ur gf but want to potentially be ur gf... always thinkin of them and consider them in almost anything u do (that u can consider anyway...) i dont know.. then i woke up xD

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was tryin to find a nice b-day present for chau. maybe ill stop by there again wednesday after class.. i had an idea about getting like a cute pendant and chain .. not a heart one but maybe the shape of an animal or something? maybe she'll wear it? iunoe.. its so hard to look in the jewelry section at the trade show.. everything sparkles... and the lights are so bright.. your eyes hurt after a while :( either silver necklace and pendant.. or a charm bracelet... or a spinny ring that she's wanted for a while lol.. couldn't find anything :[

---------------------------------------------

for some reason dofu stopped talkin earlier and said she was a bit annoyed on fb... she was lookin at presents for chau but she was saying she had no money so i joked about cancelling a trip (obviously not the hawaii one shes about to go on with chau) but she was like.. the money doesnt go back to my account.. i was like you can use it later in another future trip! then shes like, just for your suggestion, im going to canada.. im pretty sure she knows how annoyed i am about her always talkin about jason when shes in a relationship with paul.. i have come to mostly accept paul being with dofu but now all she really talks about is jason this jason that... then after she said that.. i was like after that trip, you going to definitely spend more than that... abortion.. then shes like wow wth thats not funny.. then she hasnt said anything since.. but what else can i think.. all u talk about is jason.. he sent u a gift.. u both went from little to no feelings to maybe liking each other right now.. what do i say to that :( i really hope you'd be able to change one day.. this is one of the traits i really dont like... =[ taai.. uhm.. fah sum ah.. while with one person, ur thinkin about another.. very bad.. =[ i could never do that.. to be able to be with someone, for me, is like a gift.. i take em for granted and will never EVER do anything to harm it.. iunoe thats just me.. i dont like cheating or anything of the sort.. hearing what had happened to chau b/c of what george did really hurts.. that she had to go thru something like that.. and to still talk to him now.. that's quite brave.. =/ i wish there was some way i can ensure her.. i would never do something like that to her.. i would never think of it.. never consider it.. never even try. ill protect her with all of my power to any extent i can.. =/ sure its easy enough to type it but to have to say it to her in person is completely different.. every time i think/talk about asking her out to like dofu, my heart begins to speed up... =/ if only she reads this.. then i wouldnt have to at all... but what strength would that have from text.. words that had been typed out... and read by another.. =/ life isnt so easy =[ its been said this year is gonna be quite bad in terms of relationships for uhm.. rabbits.. toh fah geep.. i dont quite understand the full meaning of that phrase but its probably along the lines of dont get into relationships.. or if u are in one, it wont end well. or something like that.. =/ but im still trying.. i really had planned to ask her last week on friday if we had went to snow ono... but she didnt end up going because she had errands to do with her grandma... then sunday that she had off, she dyed her hair and didnt make it to lunch =[... *sigh* i dont know what to do.. i wish i did...or had something i can find out how she feels... right now.. i really dont know what she is thinking.. or feeling.. =/ i wish she had a blog that she wrote things out but didnt like give it out.. but i still somehow found it and read it.. wouldn't life be great then? =[

but back to the topic about dofu.. if what i had said really did annoy you, i really am sorry :( i didn't mean to make u unhappy, or annoyed. =/ *sigh* hei mong nei gum man fun yeun, ting yut wui mong gei la.. =[

should i do something different and unique to ask her out? or just plain out ask her? i know shed like something special to happen but ... damn staging things is hard :( like that video she just posted 5 minutes ago... D: u cant make a balloon go the other direction !

plan fail tomorrow. the end.

random post...

a few days ago i had a dream.. i dont remember what exactly happened or what led to it but at the end i remember me crying... saying i didnt want to die.. i was scared as all hell... i thought of 2 people while this all happened.. i didnt want to not see them again... i woke up ... i actually cried o_O

good luck chau on your PCATs thats starting REALLY soon. :]

oh yeah.. our birthdays are coming up soon.. with all this stuff thats happenin lately, kinda forgot...

trade show is coming up this weekend.. maybe ill find something nice there... i really dont know what to give her.. she said she wanted those spinny rings but iunoe if ill be able to find one.. wanted to see if i can find a charm bracelet for her since she doesnt have one.. and have been wanting one...

hmm u know wut? maybe ill just wait and see how friday goes...

who knows... maybe i wont have to buy a present at all if it goes bad =/ we will see i guess =3

hmmm somethings wrong with me.. starting to like it after staring at the picture for a little bit... reminds me of either double dragons... or shenron from DBZ... or the two dragons from avatar: the last airbender... might fit the last one more since they were the .. fire gods or something and she has a flame in the middle.. xD

*shrugs* opinion has changed? maybeee

yah dont know how i feel about her getting a tattoo.. o well at least it doesnt look that big.. and it looks nice... o well. might as well embrace it? at least shes not getting plastic surgery or something? *thinks positive* lol

thinkin of visiting snow ono on friday.. been like a month since we said we wanted to go.. now its finally in the area... she gets off work at 5.. the truck is there from 5-9. perfect =3

wonder if i should ask her then ? ? ?

dot dot dot

oops so i just noticed.. some of the stuff i mentioned i had already LOL >_>

nothin much interesting lately.. saw HP7.2 and Capt America... wasnt satisfied by the battle scene in HP7.2, even the part with Voldemort vs Dumbledore in the Order of the Phoenix was much better.... :( otherwise, good move still .. Capt America was pretty good.. the Preview scene after credits was good.. AVENGERS :D next year summer D: damn

worked a little on thursday.. went to emilys.. dinner with victor and the movie with julie and leng..

saturday... had lunch at Three Villages with Chau.. ordered 2 things of xiao long bao, 1 order of saang jeen bao.. and 1 order of beef rolls... apparently that was more than we could eat.. we had left overs lol... then we went to meadows mall b/c she was lookin for these shoes taht she had her eyes on at work but someone sold em.. luckily they had em there so :D we walked all over meadows.. back n forth.. xD saw francis there.. apparently he works at those gold pawn booths LOL funny.. mm mmm... mm.. she bought 2 things at forever 21... almost but didnt buy anything at aeropostale... then we left... decided we wanted something to drink so we went to boba.. quicklys was closed forevah so went to volcano... on the way from meadows to quicklys.. decided to tickle her.. apparently she figured out how to get out of wrist holds and pokes me in the ribs REALLY hard now... damn her accuracy too ! she kept pokin the same spot like 5-10 times D: she didnt let me do it while driving but in a way she let me at red light but not at the same time? LOL so it was a lot of messing around in the car... even when we got to quicklys we were still goin at it.. until she opened the door and tried to get out.. but i dragged her back in XDDD apparently there was workers from China MaMa sitting outside taking a break.. and apparently was watching.. woops? no im not raping her.. D: but yah quicklys was closed... gone.. didnt get enuf business i guess.. bad spot... went to volcano.. then went home... kinda.. we went to walmart to get snacks for her studying and stuff... messing around here and there Lol.. took her home afterwards.. then i went home..

today... quite productive actually LOL... in a way.. xD i organizing files on my main computer... i reorganized the wiring on my secondary.. took out all the 500gb's and threw in two 250's at RAID0... new install and updated.. updated my slim in my bedroom... somehow fixed the mouse problem on the touchsmart downstairs... xD not bad i guess..

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mmm im still quite hesitant to ask chau out. victor may be a bit right. its really one sided on how we treat each other.. maybe i should change some habits... when we go out to eat, i dont always pay for both of us, etc.. iunoe =/

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ive considered to ask her on saturday but eh knowing myself... >_> shy.. nervous.. bleh.. if its something i really want, i should just grow some balls and do it huh... getting some sort of answer is better than being at my current state being all nervous.. dont know what to do.. always guessing here and there... kinda thing.. :3 iunoe..

im tryin to push off thinkin about what george would feel .. its not my fault on what happened... i didnt cause all those things to happen.. doesnt matter if me and chau do get together or not, the way he thinks, no matter what happens.. seeing contact between me and her, he would dislike... it would be something that he alone have to overcome.. no one can help.. i couldnt help that he was hurt back in high school but its something ull have to overcome otherwise in simpler words, you wont find happiness in your life.. wish u the best of luck...

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3 more days until she has her PCAT exams... shes been studying pretty hard.. i hope.. she was tellin me about these typos and errors there are in the book.. bound to see them everywhere.. hope its not something too wrong.. or its something ull notice is wrong.. wish her the best of luck in taking the test..

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have been told that i may be too nice... thats why people get this brotherly image from me.. and why i cant get a gf possibly..? but why would be too nice be something that deters them away? i dont get it... do girls really prefer the jerk/dick guys that always messes around, have other girls on their mind, over-confident.. etc? =/ iunoe.. i have been told that i tend to get along with girls but i was hoping it was gonna be in a different way but apparently not :( *sigh* i really hope this would work out.. otherwise who knows when ill find another girl that i really like.. =/ shes the single girl/person i talk to the most aside from dofu.. dofu asked me the other day if i had still liked her.. not really.. ever since .. may probably .. even that little amount had disappeared.. iunoe.. yah i admit i had some interest after her january visit but eh.. guess it doesnt help that shes in another city.. so the amount of contact/seeing her is not as much.. which i guess results in feelings like that fading easily.. iunoe she to me now.. is like.. iunoe a sister maybe? a close friend... one i can talk to about almost anything.. which .. damn should be the girl i be interested or tryin to go for right? *sigh* iunoe thinkin too much again lol...

so i had a few dreams last night.. but i only kind of remember 2.. 1 looked like something similar to DCON... but main part of the dream was i was helping ariel with her stuff .. seemed like she was leaving..? 2nd dream ... i have no idea where this took place... in a way looked like a convention lol.. but both chau and dofu was in it.. iunoe dont remember much details but dofu was like goin to different tables lookin at stuff.. then me and chau were just walkin slowly behind her.. lol looked like family from a standpoint where dofu was the kid xD but the only part that i remember which surprised me was when i did the usual uhm arm behind her back, this time, she did it back? o.O lol yup thinkin too much. x_x

hmm slept at 3.. woke up at 11.. approx 8 hrs of sleep still.. nice :D

so at boss' house today, was talkin about how leng is overdoing things for julie.. then when it got to part about him doing everything and getting nothing in back... victor looked at me and said it was the same to me... that in a way is kind of true.. i wouldnt say chau never gave me anything or did anything for me but in comparison, it would probably be for every 10-15 i do, she does 1. they said in a relationship, it should be equal.. not one puts more, or in this case, way more than the other.. =/

iunoe what to do anymore. i wanted to ask her out next week but iunoe if i want to anymore.. maybe i should just concentrate on finishing priorities first like the class, then GRE, then worry about other things.. =/ *sigh* iunoe..

a few days ago, horoscope said "don't allow a frustrating situation to zap your energy... thigns aren't as bad as they seem, though you may be giving way too much through to a certain situation. You are draining your emotional and mental resources, not to mention the fact that you are also depriving yourself of enjoyment. let go of a nagging problem by allowing it to recede into the background. Doesn't mean you shouldn't address it, but you don't have to make it your main focus either. When you step back a bit you will find the solution you need.."

bleh... lately i have taken notice... ive been thinkin of her way too much. boss mentioned one thing... if u are always around and "princessing" her, shes gonna be like "ew wth go away" but if u suddenly change or not be there as much, they are gonna notice you more because you are not always there... im thinkin if i should do that.. step back a bit... not have everything involve her... do my own thing.. dont haev to ask her everytime if they want this to eat that day because u are tehre or if they want to join you to do something... yah i know being together is important but to have your own friends and do ur own thing independently is probably important too.. dependent while being independent? or something

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on the side note... worked a little.. then watched avengers midnight showing today... during movie, dofu made me LOL in the theater during a scene where it wasn't funny at all... kind of embarrassing... thankfully i didnt laugh that loud... i did get hit by my friend tho cuz she was sitting next to me. lol oops xD

o well.. bed time =3

a tear rolled out.. fuk -.-"

hm

not sure if i should be writing this here but i dont think she reads it anyway...

for some reason, lately, ive been considering to actually... maybe... try... to ask chau to be my gf... iunoe.. ive been rejected many times by many girls.. .very few successes.. been a while since ive had a success.. a few years while.. so quite hesistant to do it... another rejection shouldnt affect me that much right? but why do i have this extreme nervousness or like change in heart rate every time i think about asking chau?? x_X its not like im proposing to her right?? =| wish i could read her mind and have some info on how successful it would be... at this point, i dont even know if she has ever considered being with me or anything of the sort.. for the past... iunoe year or so... we've gotten quite a bit closer, talked a lot more than we've ever had before... in fact, other than dofu, shes the one person i talk to the most... (example by texting... she almost triples the 2nd most texted person...theres only 6 people over 1k texts.. 5 are girls.. chau is like a bit over 6k, the next girl is like 2. something ... =3)

wish someone could tell me or give me hints or something that it would go well.. to at least calm a bit of this nervousness :(

on the other note... shes feeling a lot better now... coughing much much less than like a week before.. surprised a bit that it actually took this long for her to get better... but doesnt help taht she didnt get much rest due to PCAT test coming up, getting closing then opening shifts..

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im sleepy. =3 lol

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should i worry about what would happen in the future if it was successful? or should that be just something that you should just face when it comes? :( im thinkin about this too much T_T someone help me

every time i think about this topic... or even open this ... post... my heart rate is already changing x_x is it an uneasiness feeling? or what is it?

boing. i keep thinkin about u. its funny how everything i do to try not to think of you, somehow goes in a big circle, and ends back up at u. x_X somethings wrong with me :(

i have 11 days till GRE test in reno. :| not ready. :( theres so much vocab. math is kinda confusing... i hate how one part is like.. DONT ASSUME.. then another part is like ASSUME AND GUESS THIS AND THAT.. i was like omg how da hell do u know when to assume or not x_X *brain explodes*

hm. am i thinkin of her too much?

have been told that the whole husband n wife thing... and me calling her wifey kinda freaked her out?

did she lose trust in me because she had thought i went for doris because i couldnt have her as a gf?

i knew the husband n wife thing was temp cuz it was all a thing we decided to do due to our hunger for food... and wanted to go to brazilian... so we did the whole anniversary thing... and i guess it was kinda my fault to continue callin her that afterwards.. but eh...

yah i admit i had liked doris due to some similarities but i never had really went for it. always had joked about it a lot of whatever but i knew it wouldnt work. it was such a temp thing that i didnt think it would have affected that much?

=3 iunoe.. ive tried quite hard goin after chau but still hasnt seem to work out.. thought it would have been a little better after the so-called anniversary dinner but things seemed to have went downhill since then.. first the encounter with her grandmother... iunoe what made me so nervous that nothing had came out of my mouth... to the not translating the thing me and dofu had said on FB.... it went really downhill... iunoe if u are busy or its because i went out of town or whatever.. its like we had lost contact for like 2 weeks or so.. =[ i really wanted to tell u what we talked about but doing it would only make u feel bad and sad...

GAH IUNOE WHAT TO DOOOOOOOOOOOOOO T_T this entire trip, ive been tryin to find something for u but had no such luck in doing so.

should i give up? i know u dont want a relationship... u probably never had any feelings other than a friend towards me.. why am i still trying? =[ IUNOEEEE

I miss her. Having a lot of dreams about her lately.. She hasn't been taking to me either.. Hope she's not mad at me for the other or for messing up in front of her grandma.. Things to have seemed to went down hill since then...

Wonder what she did last night.. She usually doesn't get to stay out that late..

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just read her recent blog... now makes me feel even worse =.= not many gets to meet her grandma... then when i did, i screw up :( i dont care if her grandma is mean or not really accepting or anything... i dont mind either way... but hey, as dofu said, its not like im her bf or anything... why am i thinkin about it so much? maybe feelings had grew more than i had expected :'[

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was super sad yesterday cuz of the funeral. i tried so hard to not cry.. didnt want my grandma to see me like this =3 so i had like a river forming the entire time.... D: that was hard to hold >< thankfully dofu was able to come out last night after work with toshimi. was a fun time. im not sure if they had a fun time but considering the fact of the earlier on the day, it was a definitely change of events for me... it really cheered me up.. i love seeing dofu xD never a sad moment with her =3 LOL finally was able to get her the tofu shes been waiting for me to get her for so long... and the crepe i promised her too xD so i guess it was a good night for her too? iunoe xD i kept falling asleep in the car while toshimi was driving cuz they kept talkin to each other and i was quite tired to begin with due to the continuous preparations the past few days... o well

why is she so hard to impress or make happy :( i just wanted to surprise her with her favorite cupcake and a mini panda squishable.. but she just squashed the plan :( son of a bitch *sigh* i had thought there might have been a glimmer of hope that it might work out... but i dont even see that glimmer anymore... man how things can change within a few days ... wish its easier to tell u things more directly :( i know u know i like u already but bleh :( im sad now... but listenin to Joey has helped a bit...

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on the side note, dofu is coming in less than 11 hours... iunoe if i should be happy or not.. :( originally she said she was coming for my graduation... then it got delayed a week.. then it pretty just evolved to nothin to do with me. =3 guess work will start earlier than i had thought.. was gonna wait until her visit and after rachel's goodbye party but bleh -.-" nothing ever goes the way you hope it to...

hmmm the nexus s 4g got released for sprint today... wonder if dofu remembered :| i miss her :(

so last nights dream... ok there was a weird one... where i was in this like huge castle or something and someone told me to go out the window on a ledge to look at something... then he told me to turn around and look down... THAT WAS HELLA SCARY X_X

ok next dream... i think chau and i were shopping at a mall? in the dream, seemed we were quite a bit closer than it is real life... then somehow we ended up walking "towards planet hollywood"?? but for some reason we walked for a long time and didnt see it?? then vi joined us... then heres when it got weird. we were walkin and i saw george on like the otehr side of the roadd... then like 5 min later. he'd end up near us x_X then he'd randomly joined us when we were at some uhh ad thing on the street that was touch screen interactive.. and some how chau got it to show some random pictures she took of us during the day??? LOLOL iunooeee i was confused in the dream too lmao... while we were look thru pictures.. george started talkin about things to me and chau.. i guess he at least talked to me in the dream? but for some reason i think he was ok with me and chau being "together..?".. then somehow the dream was night.. and we got to my car... we were gonna go eat or osmething and joe randomly appeared... i was like who invited him?? then george said something really weird.. think it was another of those gay jk jokes and vi said something that i think shed normally say.. then we got there.. some were there and ordered already... so got two tables.. i went to restroom to wash hands (which also was weird cuz there was a faucet right by a table of people so when u wash hands, the water goes all over the table and into their cups?? lolol but for some reason, it seemed normal to them?? lol but when i came back to our table.. everyone switched around.. everyone was on one table.. and chau was alone at the other.. i sat down.. and watched her eat cuz apparently mine didnt come yet? then i woke up x_X damn lol

SUCH A WEIRD DREAM ! yah totally just woke up and typed this LMAO SOOO WEIRD !!! at least the semi scary one at first was short.. the 2nd dream was much better even tho was weird too....

i miss talking to you... :(
i miss how u used to be :(

since i cant manage to study at this time of day, ill update blog ! xDD

lets seeeeeeee i ended on tuesday... so wednesday ! uh. last evolution lecture of the semester. home. study for practical. nap. study some more. practical. chau left before i did. we went to dinner @ wendy's noodle cafe. we ordered uhh pan fried rice cake with egg... pork with century egg congee... chinese donut... lol why is it called chinese donut.. yao jah gwai.. uhm.. oh shanghai dumplings too but it wasnt that good.. three village is better.. we got these two "milkshakes" more like slush.. hers had honeydew melon and tapioca.. i had grass jelly and tapioca... we ordered this uhm.. durian pancake crepe dessert thing... it was a thin sweet wrap around whipped cream and mashed durian.. decent. lol like the one i had in Sai Kung in Hong Kong in 06. we messed around outside.. then went home... had dinner #2 lol :|

thursday... uh. class.. then in genetics.. ariel moved to the back cuz we wanted to know what was on the test.. he didnt say much but for some friggin reason, he kept lookin back... we couldnt leave quick lol... she left maybe 20-25 minutes into class.. i left maybe 5 min after she did.. made a ninja escape.. but the loudest door bang LMAO oops.... met up with rachel at the library then we went lunch at jugoo again... OUR last time there :( awkward lunch... family style again but george went this time... wonder what was goin thru his mind... up until now, ive been avoiding goin to things like eating with him there... to avoid the awkwardness but i guess he... said he wanted go this time? cuz he asked julie.. then julie asked me if i was ok.. i was like.. if hes ok then im ok? but yah.. ate lunch.. class.. OH OH OH near end of class.. someones phone rang.. we thought Nika didnt hear it then a few seconds later hes like.. wait there was a phone ringing.. who was it.. gimme ! *walks over to other side of room like a hurricane* lmao looked at the phone and it said "Dr. Nika's Wife" LMAO !! ! ! ! ahahaha nice prank at the end.. but he knew it wasnt cuz apparently it showed a 702 number.. should have made a google voice and "Called" from texas.. xD then class at csn.. home.. study...

today.. uhm.. lunch with mentor and one of her clients.. didnt talk about me at all almost... maybe.. 2-3 minutes.. lol.. i decided to pay as a thank you for her being my mentor for 2 months.. she was like HUH WHY YOU PAY?!? =P she was a great mentor... i thank her from the bottom of my heart for helping me in a lot of ways... then had class.. then home...

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i want steak n eggs :( havent had it in a long time... i asked rachel last night but she didnt feel like eating steak n eggs and wanted to catch up on sleep.. of course being me.. i wouldnt get in the way of a girl getting her sleep.. dont want them lookin like a panda like me xD

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forgot who i was talkin to the other day... might have been vi... forgot what we were talkin about initially but got to a part where i was tellin her she was one of the prettiest girls i know.. along with vanessa.. dofu.. ariel.. rachel... if i had to rate them #1 to #5... hmm.. it would be... Ariel Dofu Rachel Vi Vanessa. i dont think ive ever really told any of the 5 except for Vi that night about my opinion on them..

Ariel - one of the or is the most pretty girl i know... beautiful eyes and smile... i still remember being at her debut when she turned 18... she was sooo pretty.. in her gorgeous green dress (her fav color).. if i had randomly walked in to the event, i would have thought this was a wedding, not a birthday lmao. that dress was reallly pretty... wonder if she still has that panda i got her.. and the bouquet i made her..

Dofu - i havent known her too long... yah we've talked online for quite a long time.. but we didnt actually see each other for the first time until her ... 22? birthday 2 years ago.. around that time i had already thought she was a cutie but when she came back in december... then january... oh my ... =3 that beautiful flowing hair.. that... doesnt need much if any fixing when she wakes up (so lucky) BIG ! eyes... pretttttyyy smile.. i still owe this one a tofu.. oh speaking of dofu.. the other day i was talkin to a friend in cali.. he said a line that omg... it was in chinese.. but it ended in dofu... he told me the meaning of it.. omfg... =.= totally not going to tell anyone about it ><

Rachel - i always knew she was pretty but never really paid much attention to her? cuz shes a few years older than me and was a previous member of CKI? before i joined so i didnt get to see her much except like big banquets or once in a while some event or meeting.. but lately... since this semester.. we've been talkin and hanging out a lot with eachother.. saw her more... DEFINITELY one of the prettiest girls i know =P dont use much make up either.. cute drunk too xD leaning tower of rachel ahahah and master of street fighter 4 button mashing =P

Vi and Vanessa... i think i met these two at the same time or around the same time.. for a while i didnt really notice Vi because she was "taken" by a douche of a guy and the one of the reasons i talked to her was because she spoke canto.. so for a while.... tho at that point i was interested in ariel too so didnt pay much attention to other girls haha... then later... after vanessa broke up with mike... we started hanging out a lot and doing stuff.. came to notice her a lot.. another naturally pretty girl.. rawr =3 then she met christian.. then it just plain died off lmao. vi... we got pretty close during one winter break.. i went over to her house a lot when her dad was out of town... ate dinner.. watched tv.. messed around... no details there. then since then had come to notice her... she always complains about her eyes not being big.. or her hair always like poofy but iunoe to me her eyes and hair looked great... it was long and like was naturally curvy when wet... HEY straight mind. dont think other things.. she just likes goin out or w/e before her hair drys =.= or apparently it takes forever for it to dry.

do do dodododo... whyy am i rambling about this ??? well i guess it is my rambling area and no one reads it anyway. HA ! >.>"

hmm one person whos not on this list is chau.. also one of those who i had never really noticed .. we known eachother for a few years but i never really noticed her much.. when i first saw her in 197.. or in 351 with ashley.. or in CKI... when she was with kevin... or with george... for some reason.. since after she broke up with george.. had come to notice her more... in a way shes one of those who didnt "Catch my eye" ... but in a way rather had caught my interest by her personality? iunoe... iunoe where im going with this...

im hungry again.. lol hmmm wonder what there is to eat downstairs...

i just wanna see them happy.. why is that even so hard to do :( *sigh*

immuno... immuno... immuno... robleto... robleto... robleto... you two together = bad combination... nika was on some trip at a conference or something.. so had robleto proctor... BAD IDEA... he kept rushing at the end... and threatened to leave right when it hits 3:45 so u cant turn in test... wtf...

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texted chau-fu about this new red velvet pizookie at BJ's today... apparently she wasnt in a good mood... wonder what happened :( hope shes ok

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i was asked a question few days ago... on why i overreact.. its not that i overreact.. i guess its just.. iunoe i guess unconsciously feelings toward this one person grew... i still, every day regret not doing what i had thought to do for so many hours that one night... if i had stopped it... if i had said something... maybe it wouldnt be as bad as it is right now :( *Sigh* one of the few things in life i wish i could go back and change... =/ wish u could 'comprehend' what u are doing and how it is affecting people around you =[ but its your life and decisions.. i cant do anything about it... just hope for the best...

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mom and her group.. and uncle and aunt all came back from their vacations last night... moms group of 7 to panama canal cruise.. aunt and uncle and some other family to the asian cruise... luckily they all arrived at approx at the same time .... would ahve been a pain in the ass if i had to go to airport twice :(

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i had stopped using facebook as of sunday night... guess our little eh 'argument' kinda thing or what u did that night just gave me an excuse to stop using facebook... one for one less distraction for studying... two.. i didnt want to see what was happening.. joke or not.. =/

time to study for A&P practical thats tomorrow night now...

frak i should have gotten these recordings from phil two days ago D: helps clarify drawings so much better D: damn i wanna sleep but cant *sob*

study week. finals. test tuesday and lab practical wednesday. finals next week. cram time. bai for 2 weeks.

. . .

yah not lookin forward to it anymore...

when you read something and unconsciously a tear just rolls down your face, you can then confirm what you really think about something.

bye facebook.

on the bright side, now i can eat whatever i want. not have to save money or not eat until then. GG. own tests. own finals. own practical. graduate. work entire summer. take GRE. apply to grad school (now i can apply to wherever and not just nor cal). go on vacation. done. thats the rest of the year. no one to look forward to seeing in this country.

oh i take back what i said before, there is someone i want to hit now.

hmmm

so for some reason, lately ive been dreaming about a lot of people lately...

vi...
chau...
mysterious girl... that i didnt know who it was but it did kind of look like the girl i met last night lmao....

iunoe... seems kind of weird... all the dreams seemed nice too :( but the question comes up "does dreams come true?" come up... and probably not... well maybe last nights about me goin to bakery after chau did and buyin all these cakes lmao... xDDD oink ^oo^ rofl.

this other girl who i had recently found out who would be interested in goin on a date or something with me... now has another interest... iunoe why that kind of makes me sad... nothin has ever started.. in fact, we arent even that close as friends yet. iunoe..

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so last night. it hit me. exactly 2 weeks till graduation. X_x am i not gonna be able to sleep again like high school? lmao... we will seeeee

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lately ive noticed ive been hanging out with rachel a lot... iunoe... she just seems fun to hang out with... one thing i liked was last week after insert coins, helping her with her bf get back to the car, she gave me a big big hug before we split to each of our cars... it was nice o.O iuunoe maybe because for some odd reason, we never give each other hugs when we see each other like with other people... seems... odd? iunoe but that 1 hug.. was nice.. tho she pressed her head into my chest pretty hard and i had my necklace and the pendant on... iunoe how that would have felt for her... i felt it being pressed into my chest D:

and omg speaking of rachel.. HER. DRUNK. + Street Fighter 4... will own most people D: why? drunken button mashing that makes her do things even we can do... and... she cheatssssss !!! D: i could be willing by a lot.. she'd SCREAM into your ear moving ur attention from the TV to her.. then when u look back at the tv.. u have like || life left.. i was like WTHH !!! this happened like a few times D: >< freaking rachel :( meanie butt.. she got a blister from button mashing like 10 games. lmao... hard core drunk player hehehe =P

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do do dododo do dododo do do.. ba ba bababa.. damn you chau, thats still stuck in my head once in a while :(

so i need more confidence... something hard to change over night but im trying... >< wish i had more time to practice those songs rachel wants me to sing at karaoke... funny how over the past few years, ive always wished for someone, to sing chinese songs with me.. whether be normal or duet... now that i found one, i cant do it :( *sigh*

vi would rather die then sing at karaoke period. dofu... she... well i never been karaoke with her.. lol but iunoe if she sings that much for karaoke... i remember listenin to her singing in her hotel room when we were laying in her bed at night... it wasnt perfect but i still liked it.. *shrugs* wish dofu wasnt so uhm.. fah sum or something.. interested in so many guys =/ oh well... i cant do anything about it ...

chau... as much as i had liked her, i think ive given up.. oh well

tryin to forget all this relationship business and just finish school.. take GRE's.. apply.. and get the crap out of vegas for a long long vacation.. may or may not disable facebook too... tho im so tempted to post pictures daily on the food.. xDD that would make so many people hate me... like chau, rachel, prob dofu, etc.. xD o well

iunoe if im lookin forward to dofu visiting as much as i had before... a lot of hopes i had, had just fallen ... past the ground... i wish i had a punching bag... i really want to hit something but not someone... want to let out this "something" inside me... anger? jealousy? sadness? iunoe... meh :( *sigh* i guess we will just see what happens....

=[

why is liking someone so hard :[

*sigh*

deem seen hoh yee tum doh yut goh lui jai? ngoh jun hai ng jee la.. *Sigh* fun gao ba la... fat ha mong deem doh moh gum serng sum ah.... i hope :( but it seems to be failing me lately too QQ

I give up. I can't compete. theres nothing I can do.

for the first time in my life.. I seriously want to just go and kick someones ass.. sigh or a punching bag.. some way to let this anger out

i give up

why is it so hard?? why is it so hard for me??

oh right. im not cute. i dont have a sexy body. i dont catch their eye. im not handsome.

not only do i fail in life... i cant even dream about it anymore... i even fail during dreaming... last night, i had a dream... i tried going to find her, not only did i have the worse luck like "oh sorry, she just left...." kind of thing.. it seemed like the world was a maze... not only do i have the worse luck in timing, the world becomes a maze and i cant get out to go find her...

i give up.. even if i didnt want to go as far as a relationship, just wanting to SEE her... i cant even do... im seriously getting tired... single for 6 yrs in college? wow. whatever -.-"

getting disappointed day after day... i give up. *sigh* good night. wait i just woke up.

o.O

Hi dofu. :D

hm

hm today's activities consisted of...

Failed photoshoot for Krystyne (prob due to all the date changes, no one knew... no one but me and Leng showed up....

Work with Leng & Victor. Checked out 6 rental places including the Manhattan Condos which was a 5 story high condo.. the one we looked at was the 4th story one which had the 5th story too... it was pretty much a open 2 story studio. very nice.

Badminton. Did ok. Missed quite a few shots QQ but i did pretty good imo.. got quite a few shots that i used to not be able to get xD Sweat a lot =3

Other than that... between the start of Work till Badminton.. for some reason, i felt like shit... either it was motion sickness from sitting in the back or it was just the weather that was screwing around with me... i felt BLEH !!! D:

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Aside from that... it is currently 12:15AM on Monday April 11... Happy Birthday, George... Wish you have a great 22nd birthday with whoever your friends are now. =]

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So going through FB, saw that Chau-fu went to a foot massage... i want to see her dying from the foot massage... xD probably have been sooo funny xP <3

Dofu... *sigh* she makes me sad... shes losing weight from not having an appetite lately... and losing weight... D: what weight does she have to lose?!? D: shes gonna disappear soon >< nuuuu T_T aside from that... hap cho time D:

hm

so in two days, is the birthday of a friend i once had at this point in time last year.. so many things can happen in a year.. once had thought he was a good friend. found out he had never thought the same of me. i had never done anything respectfully wrong to him yet he still thought the way he did =/ like my mentor said, i cant blame myself for this event happening. i lost who i thought was a friend, he lost potentially a good friend..

even though all this had happened, i wish him a great 22nd birthday.

a lot of people been asking me what i want for graduation gift... i couldn't give them an answer :( its not a question i really get asked much... usually im the one giving presents or whatever... so when i get asked that question... i kinda not know how to answer :(

Tea

Drinking tea is so calming. . . .

Calming, nice and warm. . .

warms you from the inside out. . .

=[

you asked me what i was thinking, i couldn't tell you. even if i had it all typed out, i couldn't press enter to send it to you.

since your visit in January, since that night, there hasn't been a day that has passed since then where I had not regretted not doing what had been on my mind that night. I could have prevented so many things happening, i could have stopped it... i could have... maybe if i had stopped it, i wouldn't be feeling what i am feeling now... i don't know if its jealousy... or there's something that i cant explain myself.. i know you want fun but that one day, when we were talking, you were saying all these guys going for you the second you are "kinda available"... made me unhappy.. iunoe why.. did your visit changed my feelings for you THAT much?!? *sigh* i dont know anymore.

i don't even think anyone reads this but hey at least i can "express it" so it doesnt only get stuck in my head :( but it doesnt seem to have helped much :( i still have this uneasyness inside me...

*puffs face* back to studying =3

hmmm

well i managed to finish most of the reading for evolution last night... at 5am xD mom came home and was like wtf.

woke up today, asked vi for book back, she said shed give it to me after work... (few hours later)... "can i bring it to u around 5 or 6..." (few hours later) are you home? ill come get it myself -.-" *twitch* even after telling im outside her house, takes her like 10 minutes to come out >_>

so during the wait... i studied for a&p II quiz.. xD

on the side note... i cooked macaroni soup for lunch... and dinner today xD made soup using the spicy korean paste... cubed spam and fried eggs... pretty good :D

dad cut his finger while using one of my knives tryin to cut onions.. his fault. not only was he using the tip of the knife to cut onions, he made a big ass deal (like he always does) about it... im like... *sigh* *ignores*

well, now that i have my book, i can study for genetics now D:

hm

kiwanis one day. volunteer w/ LVYP. or rather w/ Rachel? iunoe shes easy to talk to and fun to be with, lots of common interests (woo chinese music) xD iunoe probably cuz i dont really know zoey, then derek and them were like workin in a group.. and rachel was off to side so kept her company i guess? Lol iunoe sometimes when im like with derek and them, i seem out of place =3 *shrugs*

sore :[ this is when age comes into play, my lower back hurts from bending over to pluck the weeds.. didnt really want to crouch too much, though i can but eh D: if i had knew earlier, i would have brought knee pads. xD definitely could have used those today :3 and.. bigger gloves x_X but man the location was far this year.. boulder CITY, not highway, CITY D:

didnt sleep much so i pretty much took a nap after i got home :3.... other than kiwanis one day... UNPRODUCTIVE D: SHIT ! i need to read T____T

:o

so i decided to stop using facebook as of last night. wonder how long i can last :3

also... ive decided to give up on her :3 *sigh*

maybe iunoe. hope these were right decisions :(

*sigh*

Why do the "ex-bf's" of girls all blame me for their faults -.-"

thats one thing i guess i hate a lot.. those who cant agree with their own faults and what they had done wrong to get to where they are now... and blame other people..