should i do something different and unique to ask her out? or just plain out ask her? i know shed like something special to happen but ... damn staging things is hard :( like that video she just posted 5 minutes ago... D: u cant make a balloon go the other direction !

plan fail tomorrow. the end.

random post...

a few days ago i had a dream.. i dont remember what exactly happened or what led to it but at the end i remember me crying... saying i didnt want to die.. i was scared as all hell... i thought of 2 people while this all happened.. i didnt want to not see them again... i woke up ... i actually cried o_O

good luck chau on your PCATs thats starting REALLY soon. :]

oh yeah.. our birthdays are coming up soon.. with all this stuff thats happenin lately, kinda forgot...

trade show is coming up this weekend.. maybe ill find something nice there... i really dont know what to give her.. she said she wanted those spinny rings but iunoe if ill be able to find one.. wanted to see if i can find a charm bracelet for her since she doesnt have one.. and have been wanting one...

hmm u know wut? maybe ill just wait and see how friday goes...

who knows... maybe i wont have to buy a present at all if it goes bad =/ we will see i guess =3

hmmm somethings wrong with me.. starting to like it after staring at the picture for a little bit... reminds me of either double dragons... or shenron from DBZ... or the two dragons from avatar: the last airbender... might fit the last one more since they were the .. fire gods or something and she has a flame in the middle.. xD

*shrugs* opinion has changed? maybeee

yah dont know how i feel about her getting a tattoo.. o well at least it doesnt look that big.. and it looks nice... o well. might as well embrace it? at least shes not getting plastic surgery or something? *thinks positive* lol

thinkin of visiting snow ono on friday.. been like a month since we said we wanted to go.. now its finally in the area... she gets off work at 5.. the truck is there from 5-9. perfect =3

wonder if i should ask her then ? ? ?

dot dot dot

oops so i just noticed.. some of the stuff i mentioned i had already LOL >_>

nothin much interesting lately.. saw HP7.2 and Capt America... wasnt satisfied by the battle scene in HP7.2, even the part with Voldemort vs Dumbledore in the Order of the Phoenix was much better.... :( otherwise, good move still .. Capt America was pretty good.. the Preview scene after credits was good.. AVENGERS :D next year summer D: damn

worked a little on thursday.. went to emilys.. dinner with victor and the movie with julie and leng..

saturday... had lunch at Three Villages with Chau.. ordered 2 things of xiao long bao, 1 order of saang jeen bao.. and 1 order of beef rolls... apparently that was more than we could eat.. we had left overs lol... then we went to meadows mall b/c she was lookin for these shoes taht she had her eyes on at work but someone sold em.. luckily they had em there so :D we walked all over meadows.. back n forth.. xD saw francis there.. apparently he works at those gold pawn booths LOL funny.. mm mmm... mm.. she bought 2 things at forever 21... almost but didnt buy anything at aeropostale... then we left... decided we wanted something to drink so we went to boba.. quicklys was closed forevah so went to volcano... on the way from meadows to quicklys.. decided to tickle her.. apparently she figured out how to get out of wrist holds and pokes me in the ribs REALLY hard now... damn her accuracy too ! she kept pokin the same spot like 5-10 times D: she didnt let me do it while driving but in a way she let me at red light but not at the same time? LOL so it was a lot of messing around in the car... even when we got to quicklys we were still goin at it.. until she opened the door and tried to get out.. but i dragged her back in XDDD apparently there was workers from China MaMa sitting outside taking a break.. and apparently was watching.. woops? no im not raping her.. D: but yah quicklys was closed... gone.. didnt get enuf business i guess.. bad spot... went to volcano.. then went home... kinda.. we went to walmart to get snacks for her studying and stuff... messing around here and there Lol.. took her home afterwards.. then i went home..

today... quite productive actually LOL... in a way.. xD i organizing files on my main computer... i reorganized the wiring on my secondary.. took out all the 500gb's and threw in two 250's at RAID0... new install and updated.. updated my slim in my bedroom... somehow fixed the mouse problem on the touchsmart downstairs... xD not bad i guess..

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mmm im still quite hesitant to ask chau out. victor may be a bit right. its really one sided on how we treat each other.. maybe i should change some habits... when we go out to eat, i dont always pay for both of us, etc.. iunoe =/

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ive considered to ask her on saturday but eh knowing myself... >_> shy.. nervous.. bleh.. if its something i really want, i should just grow some balls and do it huh... getting some sort of answer is better than being at my current state being all nervous.. dont know what to do.. always guessing here and there... kinda thing.. :3 iunoe..

im tryin to push off thinkin about what george would feel .. its not my fault on what happened... i didnt cause all those things to happen.. doesnt matter if me and chau do get together or not, the way he thinks, no matter what happens.. seeing contact between me and her, he would dislike... it would be something that he alone have to overcome.. no one can help.. i couldnt help that he was hurt back in high school but its something ull have to overcome otherwise in simpler words, you wont find happiness in your life.. wish u the best of luck...

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3 more days until she has her PCAT exams... shes been studying pretty hard.. i hope.. she was tellin me about these typos and errors there are in the book.. bound to see them everywhere.. hope its not something too wrong.. or its something ull notice is wrong.. wish her the best of luck in taking the test..

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have been told that i may be too nice... thats why people get this brotherly image from me.. and why i cant get a gf possibly..? but why would be too nice be something that deters them away? i dont get it... do girls really prefer the jerk/dick guys that always messes around, have other girls on their mind, over-confident.. etc? =/ iunoe.. i have been told that i tend to get along with girls but i was hoping it was gonna be in a different way but apparently not :( *sigh* i really hope this would work out.. otherwise who knows when ill find another girl that i really like.. =/ shes the single girl/person i talk to the most aside from dofu.. dofu asked me the other day if i had still liked her.. not really.. ever since .. may probably .. even that little amount had disappeared.. iunoe.. yah i admit i had some interest after her january visit but eh.. guess it doesnt help that shes in another city.. so the amount of contact/seeing her is not as much.. which i guess results in feelings like that fading easily.. iunoe she to me now.. is like.. iunoe a sister maybe? a close friend... one i can talk to about almost anything.. which .. damn should be the girl i be interested or tryin to go for right? *sigh* iunoe thinkin too much again lol...

so i had a few dreams last night.. but i only kind of remember 2.. 1 looked like something similar to DCON... but main part of the dream was i was helping ariel with her stuff .. seemed like she was leaving..? 2nd dream ... i have no idea where this took place... in a way looked like a convention lol.. but both chau and dofu was in it.. iunoe dont remember much details but dofu was like goin to different tables lookin at stuff.. then me and chau were just walkin slowly behind her.. lol looked like family from a standpoint where dofu was the kid xD but the only part that i remember which surprised me was when i did the usual uhm arm behind her back, this time, she did it back? o.O lol yup thinkin too much. x_x

hmm slept at 3.. woke up at 11.. approx 8 hrs of sleep still.. nice :D

so at boss' house today, was talkin about how leng is overdoing things for julie.. then when it got to part about him doing everything and getting nothing in back... victor looked at me and said it was the same to me... that in a way is kind of true.. i wouldnt say chau never gave me anything or did anything for me but in comparison, it would probably be for every 10-15 i do, she does 1. they said in a relationship, it should be equal.. not one puts more, or in this case, way more than the other.. =/

iunoe what to do anymore. i wanted to ask her out next week but iunoe if i want to anymore.. maybe i should just concentrate on finishing priorities first like the class, then GRE, then worry about other things.. =/ *sigh* iunoe..

a few days ago, horoscope said "don't allow a frustrating situation to zap your energy... thigns aren't as bad as they seem, though you may be giving way too much through to a certain situation. You are draining your emotional and mental resources, not to mention the fact that you are also depriving yourself of enjoyment. let go of a nagging problem by allowing it to recede into the background. Doesn't mean you shouldn't address it, but you don't have to make it your main focus either. When you step back a bit you will find the solution you need.."

bleh... lately i have taken notice... ive been thinkin of her way too much. boss mentioned one thing... if u are always around and "princessing" her, shes gonna be like "ew wth go away" but if u suddenly change or not be there as much, they are gonna notice you more because you are not always there... im thinkin if i should do that.. step back a bit... not have everything involve her... do my own thing.. dont haev to ask her everytime if they want this to eat that day because u are tehre or if they want to join you to do something... yah i know being together is important but to have your own friends and do ur own thing independently is probably important too.. dependent while being independent? or something

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on the side note... worked a little.. then watched avengers midnight showing today... during movie, dofu made me LOL in the theater during a scene where it wasn't funny at all... kind of embarrassing... thankfully i didnt laugh that loud... i did get hit by my friend tho cuz she was sitting next to me. lol oops xD

o well.. bed time =3

a tear rolled out.. fuk -.-"

hm

not sure if i should be writing this here but i dont think she reads it anyway...

for some reason, lately, ive been considering to actually... maybe... try... to ask chau to be my gf... iunoe.. ive been rejected many times by many girls.. .very few successes.. been a while since ive had a success.. a few years while.. so quite hesistant to do it... another rejection shouldnt affect me that much right? but why do i have this extreme nervousness or like change in heart rate every time i think about asking chau?? x_X its not like im proposing to her right?? =| wish i could read her mind and have some info on how successful it would be... at this point, i dont even know if she has ever considered being with me or anything of the sort.. for the past... iunoe year or so... we've gotten quite a bit closer, talked a lot more than we've ever had before... in fact, other than dofu, shes the one person i talk to the most... (example by texting... she almost triples the 2nd most texted person...theres only 6 people over 1k texts.. 5 are girls.. chau is like a bit over 6k, the next girl is like 2. something ... =3)

wish someone could tell me or give me hints or something that it would go well.. to at least calm a bit of this nervousness :(

on the other note... shes feeling a lot better now... coughing much much less than like a week before.. surprised a bit that it actually took this long for her to get better... but doesnt help taht she didnt get much rest due to PCAT test coming up, getting closing then opening shifts..

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im sleepy. =3 lol

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should i worry about what would happen in the future if it was successful? or should that be just something that you should just face when it comes? :( im thinkin about this too much T_T someone help me

every time i think about this topic... or even open this ... post... my heart rate is already changing x_x is it an uneasiness feeling? or what is it?

boing. i keep thinkin about u. its funny how everything i do to try not to think of you, somehow goes in a big circle, and ends back up at u. x_X somethings wrong with me :(

i have 11 days till GRE test in reno. :| not ready. :( theres so much vocab. math is kinda confusing... i hate how one part is like.. DONT ASSUME.. then another part is like ASSUME AND GUESS THIS AND THAT.. i was like omg how da hell do u know when to assume or not x_X *brain explodes*