hm

not sure if i should be writing this here but i dont think she reads it anyway...

for some reason, lately, ive been considering to actually... maybe... try... to ask chau to be my gf... iunoe.. ive been rejected many times by many girls.. .very few successes.. been a while since ive had a success.. a few years while.. so quite hesistant to do it... another rejection shouldnt affect me that much right? but why do i have this extreme nervousness or like change in heart rate every time i think about asking chau?? x_X its not like im proposing to her right?? =| wish i could read her mind and have some info on how successful it would be... at this point, i dont even know if she has ever considered being with me or anything of the sort.. for the past... iunoe year or so... we've gotten quite a bit closer, talked a lot more than we've ever had before... in fact, other than dofu, shes the one person i talk to the most... (example by texting... she almost triples the 2nd most texted person...theres only 6 people over 1k texts.. 5 are girls.. chau is like a bit over 6k, the next girl is like 2. something ... =3)

wish someone could tell me or give me hints or something that it would go well.. to at least calm a bit of this nervousness :(

on the other note... shes feeling a lot better now... coughing much much less than like a week before.. surprised a bit that it actually took this long for her to get better... but doesnt help taht she didnt get much rest due to PCAT test coming up, getting closing then opening shifts..

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im sleepy. =3 lol

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should i worry about what would happen in the future if it was successful? or should that be just something that you should just face when it comes? :( im thinkin about this too much T_T someone help me

every time i think about this topic... or even open this ... post... my heart rate is already changing x_x is it an uneasiness feeling? or what is it?